ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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