I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
