you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
