another moral hangover. fuck.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
