God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
