The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
