So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
