Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
