i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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