Need sex. Gaining weight.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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