"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
