I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
