you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
