ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
