I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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