There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
