Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I said "one day" and that day is not today
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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