My nipple is on Facebook.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
