I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
