Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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