This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Randomize
