I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
