i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
