k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
