He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
