i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
