So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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