I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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