It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
