Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
