is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
