the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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