ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
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