You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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