I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
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