just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
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