Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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