so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
