I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
