You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
