Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
