Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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