Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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