he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
