you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
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