what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
