Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Randomize
