someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
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