i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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