Tell her she can't have a vagina
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
