I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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