Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
